Friday, July 15, 2005

Naked Locker Room Conversation Guy

My friend Drew, president of the Morgan Freeman fan club, proclaimed today “Naked Males Having Awkward Conversations in the YMCA Shower Day.

From Young Drewzy himself:

So I went to the YMCA this morning. I played basketball from 5:30 until 7:30 AM. As I do everyday, I hit the showers after I got done playing because I gotta get fresh and clean for work because the kid is a professional who occassionaly rocks cuff links.

The showers at the YMCA are your standard prison-rape issue showers: big open room with shower heads and a place near each nozzle to put soap or shampoo, small green and white tiles on the wall, central drain, and a general uncomfortableness that make you that much more careful not to let the soap slip off of the tray near the shower head. The hooks to hang you towel are a good 5ft from the shower room, and most of the men at the YMCA take the “opportunity” to make a long, slow, naked walk to towel rack, sometimes stopping for a much needed naked stretch or cough.

So about 7:45 AM I’m minding my own business, mid-shower. As with a lot of mornings, the hot water at the Y wasn’t working. It’s not pleasant, but it makes for an efficient, in and out shower.

So in walks this man who looks a lot like a professor at Vanderbilt (Prof. Brandon). No big deal. He walks over to his nozzle, giving me the appropriate at-least-one-shower-length-buffer-zone and starts doing his thing. Him and I were getting along fine until . . . “So how you doing this morning?” he asks.

Uncomfortable Drew: Fine, man.
NakedConversationMan: No hot water for you either?
Uncomfortable Drew: Naw man.
NakedConversationMan: Well looks like we’ll be wide awake when we leave here today huh?
Rinsing off and ready to leave Drew: Yep.
NakedConversationMan: The pool water was kinda hot today, and now no hot water in the shower. They got it mixed up.
Violated Drew: “Crazy stuff. Take it easy”
I left. What’s wrong with these people? I love being friendly, and I like to meet people. But shit, do you have to be friendly and meet people when we’re in this prison-rape shower at the Y? Can’t it wait? These are the type of dudes talking at funerals. I don’t know what to do? I just wanted to make sure you got the memo.

I've also run into similar problems with the naked gym talker, although the guy at my gym is just fond of striking up conversations while he bends over naked and dries in-between his toes. One time I think I physically jumped into the locker to avoid him.

I think this is one of the most pressing issues facing our nation right now, and needs to be the subject of immediate legislation from congress.
Forget abortion and gay marriage - the moral issue of the day is naked locker room guy.

4 comment(s):

  • How come at my gym we got tons of those cats as well? The most notorious is a dude who looks just like the dude off Friday After Next who is obsessed with Tupac. The nerve of the dude. Always picks lockers closet to the entrance and gets butt hole naked and stays that way for like 20 minutes. Before and after workouts. Give me a break dude.

    Yesterday I was walkin into the locker room and my friend Charlie was fighting mad. I was like "whats wrong man?" He was like "Lil buddy just mooned me again." I was like "Hey, he does the same shit to me!" Charlie then says...."Lets jump him."
    It might go down.

    -Posted by Young Drew for Rich Porter (Louisville, KY)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:24 PM  

  • "Young Drewzy" is obviously gay. Nothing else about the convo was suspect. Your friend needs counselling and support.

    By Anonymous Chris Abraham, at 3:11 PM  

  • "Nothing else about the convo was suspect."
    -Chris Abraham

    Spoken like a man who truly LOVES nothing more than to have excessively wet and naked conversations with other men in the shower.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:51 PM  

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    By Blogger Sam, at 9:22 AM  

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